Practical Tips for Living with Grief During the Holidays

For many people grieving the loss of someone dear, the holidays aren’t always joyful. Traditions shift. Familiar routines feel heavier. A room full of cheerful people can still feel lonely. Religious services or family gatherings may stir up unexpected emotions.

If this is your experience—or the experience of someone you care about—you’re not alone. Heartlinks offers compassionate grief support to help you navigate this meaningful and often challenging season.

Acknowledge that the holidays may feel different this year

Holidays tend to shine a light on what — and who — is missing. Simply admitting that this season may look and feel different is a compassionate first step. You’re not required to recreate past celebrations or carry the same responsibilities you once did.

It often helps to spend a few minutes asking yourself what you’re capable of this year:

• What feels manageable?
• What feels too heavy?
• What would help me feel supported?

Starting from honesty rather than expectation can reduce emotional pressure as the season unfolds.

Understand the emotional rhythms of holiday grief

Grief during the holidays doesn’t follow predictable patterns. A familiar decoration, a favorite dish, or a song playing in the background can bring unexpected feelings to the surface. These emotions aren’t setbacks — they’re part of how grief, intertwines with memory, love, and tradition.

You can gently prepare yourself by identifying a few potential triggers or vulnerable moments. Maybe there’s a tradition your loved one always led, or a gathering that feels especially daunting this year. Recognizing these moments ahead of time can help you decide whether you want support, a pause, or an alternative plan.

It’s also worth remembering that grief has many layers. You may be grieving not just the person you lost, but the future moments — the holidays, milestones, or experiences — that will no longer happen. These quiet forms of grief deserve acknowledgment too.

Shape the holiday around what truly supports you

You don’t need permission to change, simplify, or rebuild your holiday traditions. You can shape the season around what feels helpful now, knowing you can choose differently next year.

Many grieving people find comfort in:

• Keeping one or two meaningful traditions
• Simplifying holiday gatherings
• Changing the setting or length of events
• Incorporating a small ritual that honors their loved one
• Allowing someone else to host or prepare the meal

If you’re grieving with children, inviting them to help make decisions can give them a sense of stability while also easing some of your own emotional load.

Supporting someone who is grieving during the holidays

If you’re walking alongside a grieving friend or family member, remember that thoughtful presence often matters more than perfect words.

Here are supportive ways to show up:

• Reach out privately and sincerely.
  A quiet message or one-on-one conversation prevents discomfort and keeps the focus on the grieving person.
• Offer specific invitations.
  Try concrete, easy-to-answer prompts like:
  • “I’m going for coffee at 10 a.m. on Tuesday. Would you like to join me?”
  • “Can I pick you up for church on Sunday?”
    Avoid vague offers that put the responsibility on the grieving person, like “Call me if you need anything.”
• Help them prepare for difficult moments.
  Ask which events feel manageable and which don’t. Talk through choices and help them practice setting boundaries.
• Support changes to traditions.
  They may want to adjust or skip certain rituals entirely. Validate those decisions and reassure them they are not disappointing anyone by prioritizing their well-being.
• Listen without trying to fix their grief.
  Grief isn’t a problem to solve. A gentle presence and genuine interest in their story can be deeply healing.
• Respect their boundaries and energy levels.
  They may cancel plans or decline invitations. Accept this with grace.
• Offer practical help when appropriate.
  Providing a meal, a ride, childcare, help decorating, or help removing decorations can make daily life feel more manageable.

Tiny acts of care can provide a sense of steadiness in a season that feels tender.

Caring for yourself when you’re grieving

Moving through the holiday season with grief requires gentleness. You may find that your emotional energy comes and goes, and that’s okay.

To support yourself:

• Choose the gatherings and activities for which you have capacity
• Drive yourself to holiday events so you can leave early or take breaks when needed
• Seek out people who welcome your emotions without judgment.
• Allow tears, laughter, and quiet moments without judging yourself
• Give children room to express their own grief in age-appropriate ways

There is no gold standard for “doing the holidays right” when your heart is hurting. You’re allowed to navigate this season at your own pace.

How one family found comfort in a new tradition

Sometimes families discover that creating new traditions—or reimagining old ones—brings a sense of connection when someone is missing. Joan’s family found themselves in this space after the loss of her husband. Here’s how they approached their first Christmas without him:

“It was the Christmas of 2015—our first without my husband. Our daughters and I agreed to spend it together at home, but the season felt heavier than I expected. I wanted my adult daughters to feel their dad’s presence.

On December 23rd, I found the last picture of the four of us together from Christmas 2014. I had copies framed. Then I gathered the small stocking stuffers they had given him over the years—car models, funny figurines, souvenirs from their travels—and wrapped each one.

On Christmas morning, they opened those gifts. There were tears, but also comfort. The final gift was the framed photo. Today, that picture hangs in both of their homes, surrounded by the little items they once gave him.

Since then, we’ve made Christmas a beach holiday—one of the last places we vacationed as a family.”

Stories like Joan’s remind us that grief doesn’t disappear—it evolves. And new rituals can become gentle ways to stay connected.

Explore workshops, support groups, and resources available through Heartlinks

Heartlinks offers several resources to help you feel supported during this season:

• Holiday grief workshops
  These guided sessions offer practical tools and gentle space to reflect. Subscribe to our grief support newsletter to be notified about upcoming workshops throughout Benton and Yakima counties.
• Monthly grief support groups
  Free, open to the public, and no RSVP required — bring a friend if you’d like. See upcoming events >
• One-on-one grief counseling
  Meet individually with a trained grief counselor. Call (509) 837-1676 to connect.
• Download our free grief resources
  Books, downloadable guides, and a holiday grief video are available on our website.

You’re Not Alone This Holiday Season

Whether you observe Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, or another tradition, this time of year may hold emotional weight. However grief shows up for you this year—softly, suddenly, or in waves—you deserve compassion and support. Heartlinks is here to walk with you through the holidays and beyond.

If you have questions or want to talk with someone, call (509) 837-1676.